Day 4 -- Thursday, 12 August through Sunday, 14 August, 2016
Thursday was so long ago ... I don't remember what I ate! I've been relying on this forum to be my food long, but I've started writing my food down to make it easier to post. I can tell you that I felt okay and my eating was compliant, if not enough. YAY for me!
Friday, I was so sick. I spent most of the day in bed or in the bathroom. Not only was my stomach upset, I had diarrhea, too. I don't think it was W30 related, as my husband came home from a work early a couple of days before because he was sick. I think I picked up some kind of bug from him. Usually, I don't catch everything he does, but because my body was getting used to W30, my immune system wasn't as efficient as it usually is? I dunno. I was much sicker than he was. Nothing was staying down and my blood sugar was getting low, so I ate some watermelon slowly. Not a whole meal, just the fruit. I chewed very slowly, and swallowed carefully. That stayed down and my blood sugar normalized. Later in the evening, I got hungry, so I made two scrambled eggs and reheated some mushrooms and asparagus and added some olives. None of that stayed down. I can't remember everything I tried to eat, but the watermelon was the only thing that stayed down, so I had some more before bed.
Saturday. I felt much better on Saturday, thank goodness, because we were slated to have company over for gaming in the evening. That meant there would be lots of snacks, so I decided to allow myself to snack on compliant food if necessary. I figured a little fruit by itself was better than giving in to the call of chips and cookies. As it turned out, I didn't need to do that.
But back to earlier in the day: Because I'd thrown up so much the day before, my band was really aggravated and tender. Even though I felt much better, it was still hard for me to keep anything but liquids down. After a failed breakfast attempt, I decided not to keep aggravating it, so I didn't eat until company came. For dinner we had slow-cooker rotisserie chicken from The Prairie Homestead's blog. Everyone raved about it. And it was good. I had a few ounces of breast meat, a few chunks of carrots with clarified butter and about half a cup of green beans. Unfortunately, that didn't stay down. Before bed, I had a couple of forks full of fresh pineapple chunks. That stayed down. Good thing, because my blood sugar was understandably low (and falling). Somewhere in there, I had some dry-roasted macadamia nuts, too.
Sunday. I was about to give up, so I didn't keep track of what I ate and what stayed down. i did, however, only eat compliant foods (just in case I decided to go on).I was frustrated and a little disheartened. It felt like this was all too hard. Not from a cravings point-of-view. From that standpoint, it's been really easy, even in the social situation. And not from a timeline point-of-view, either. I didn't have much of a hangover, nor did I want to kill all things. And today (Monday, Day 7, as I write this), I don't really want to nap. I don't have any extra energy, but I don't have any less than I usually have either. Maybe I'm stuck in the first couple of days, because from most perspectives, I'm wondering what the big deal is.
But the lap band thing ... I'm having more trouble with my band than I had when I first got it, I think! And so, sometimes, I just want to eat the food that stays down with no problems. I know I have a flare for the dramatic, but really -- I'm surprised I'm not weak with hunger. I know I probably sound like a broken record, and I don't want to come off as blaming my band for my failures. And really, I don't think I've failed. I just didn't expect this to be so hard, in this one area. I really thought the cravings would be harder for me to deal with.
(I don't usually do this, but this is actually my post on the Whole30 forums. I generally write an original post for the blog, because the focus is different. Today, I'm just tired of it all.)
15 August 2016
12 August 2016
Whole30 -- Day 3
According to the timeline concerning what to expect during one's Whole30 journey, Day 3 is a hangover day -- headaches, fatigue, and/or general malaise. The actually was not the case for me. I felt pretty good and had more energy than I expected. We recently moved, and there's a garage full of boxes to unpack. I think I unpacked 11! A small dent in what needs to be done, but at least it's a dent!
This is weird: I'm having to work to eat more food. I am not getting enough protein, or food all around. I am genuinely not hungry, but Whole30 posits that when first starting down a road of whole, good, foods, we can't always trust our hunger signals. \
But after a near lifetime of dieting and "watching what I eat" it's feels weird to push to eat more food.
Meal 1: one boiled egg, half a tomato, and half an avocado.
Meal 2: one hamburger patty, about half a cup of mushrooms & asparagus sauteed in clarified butter.
1 bottle of komucha (I was having a pretty drastic low, so I reached for a brand that is a little sweeter.)
Meal 3: half a hamburger patty, 1/2 cup of mushrooms and asparagus, 3/4 cup of grapes.
Meal 3 didn't all stay down. I thought to myself "One more grape and I'm done." Well, apparently my false tummy was done one grape before that!
11 August 2016
Whole30 -- Day 2
Day 2 has come and gone, without much to write about. There were no cravings, no temptations. Just good whole food, and even better blood sugars.
Meal 1: Two hard boiled eggs, an avocado, and 1/4 of a tomato.
Meal 2: One hard boiled egg, an avocado, and 1/4 of a tomato (this may end up being my go-to meal.)
Meal 3: Half a hamburger patty, about 5 Brussels sprouts halves w/clarified butter, and 3/4 cup watermelon.
That was kind of heavy on the fruit for dinner, but it needs to be eaten and it was sooo good!
This was my second day without night-time insulin, and my blood sugar was 111 when I got up this morning. This is stupid-amazing, but I'm not complaining!
I am prescribed 52 units of insulin a day: 12 units of fast-acting Humulog and 40 units of Lantus, a basal insulin. On Day 1, I took eight units; on Day 2, I took six.
10 August 2016
Whole30 -- Day 1
Day 1 of my Whole30 has come and gone, without much fanfare. There were no hitches or hiccups. I ate lots of good, whole, healthy foods, and they were yummy and satisfying.
I slept in a bit because I was up in the night. My body is telling me that a fibro flare is on its way. And, I also went to bed early, so there was only time for two meals.
Meal 1: 1 hard boiled egg, an avocado, and a few bites of tomato. I put four eggs on my plate, and a whole tomato, cut in quarters, and the avocado. I knew I wouldn't manage all of it. I chose to eat the avocado first because, well, avocado! And, I knew it wouldn't save well for a later meal. I covered this and put it in the fridge for later.
Meal 2: About five ounces of pan-fried rib eye steak, 3/4 of a baked potato, a cup of roasted Brussels Sprouts, and a cup of watermelon. I was surprised I ate that much without causing issues with my lap band. I ate slowly and chewed well. And, I didn't eat the watermelon until after I'd cleared the table and rinsed off the dishes
.
My blood sugar is already showing improvements, too. Not after one day, of course, but I'd been eating pretty clean in the week leading up to Whole30 (except for the Coke. I'd drank my share of Coke.). There wasn't a lot of sugar stored in my liver, I guess, because I was able to go without my night-time insulin last night -- and my morning reading was 103. I know that doesn't mean I'm cured, but it was nice to see, anyway.
08 August 2016
Whole30 -- Day 0
I start Whole30 tomorrow and it's going to be a real challenge.
Why?
Because I'm not properly prepared -- and I'm to tired and achy to stand long enough to do the prep work. That translates into, "I don't know what I'm doing for breakfast tomorrow!"
I am supposed to eat one to two palm-sized portions of protein, along with one to three cups of veggies, and a small portion of healthy fats. Fruit is optional, but a lot of people don't recommend eating it at breakfast.
Wish me luck!
After All This Time (And Why I'm Back)
Yes, I know it's been a long time! But here I am. Before I go into the reasons I've resurrected this blog, let me catch you up quickly.
I still have my lap band. And I still weigh about 300 pounds, give or take about five pounds.
We could never get my fill right. Either it was so loose, I could eat almost anything or it was so tight, I couldn't eat anything. Back and forth we went, until I just got tired of the hassle. Right now, my fill is probably a bit too tight, as I throw up more meals than I don't. Even ice cream and soup.
And it's not just the tight fill that makes me throw up, it's the mucus production (ewww!) that I experience some times. And the air bubbles. Can't forget the sometimes massive air bubbles.
What I've never understood is how I can throw up at least half of what I eat and still weight what I do!
Of course, I'm eating around the band. In my defense, I tend to eat what stays down. Because of the mucus production so many foods cause me, I tend to eat a lot of dry, crunchy foods (translation: crackers, chips, and cookies).
Because of my frustrating fill situation, I think I'm going to have all the fill removed and go from there. The reason I haven't already done that is that I'm afraid of how much weight I might gain without the band. I was gaining weight pretty rapidly before I started the preparations to have my lap band, and I'm kind of afraid to go back there.
But I'm also tired of being afraid to eat, because I don't know what will stay down -- Because it changes for me from day-to-day. What worked last week may not work this week. Or ever again. I hate that the first thing I have to do when I go into a public place is scope out the restroom. And I'm tired of paying good money for food -- whether in a restaurant or at the grocery store -- that just ends up in the toilet.
I know I'd still have some restriction, even with no fill, but hopefully it will be manageable. I've got to fight with my insurance company before I do this, because it's not covered -- and frankly, I don't want to spend a couple hundred dollars to have my fill removed. But if that's what it takes, I'll do it!
But I have to be totally honest, too: I haven't learned any new eating habits (or coping mechanisms), so I still have the ones that got me to this size. That means that while I feel as though my band is part of the problem, I'm not going to even make it sounds as though I don't have any blame. I eat a lot of crap. And I drink some crap, too. Lots of empty calories go into this body.
All of that leads me to why I've resurrected this blog after all these years ...
Tomorrow, in an attempt to gain some kind of control over my health, I'm starting Whole30. It's basically a dietary approach to reducing inflammation and increasing gut health. For 30 days, I eat quality meat, veggies & fruit, and healthy fat. No dairy (except clarified butter and ghee), no grains, no alcohol or tobacco (neither are a problem for me), and no added sugar/sweeteners (that means no stevia, too).
Everything that's wrong with me seems to have a basis in chronic systemic inflammation:
I still have my lap band. And I still weigh about 300 pounds, give or take about five pounds.
We could never get my fill right. Either it was so loose, I could eat almost anything or it was so tight, I couldn't eat anything. Back and forth we went, until I just got tired of the hassle. Right now, my fill is probably a bit too tight, as I throw up more meals than I don't. Even ice cream and soup.
And it's not just the tight fill that makes me throw up, it's the mucus production (ewww!) that I experience some times. And the air bubbles. Can't forget the sometimes massive air bubbles.
What I've never understood is how I can throw up at least half of what I eat and still weight what I do!
Of course, I'm eating around the band. In my defense, I tend to eat what stays down. Because of the mucus production so many foods cause me, I tend to eat a lot of dry, crunchy foods (translation: crackers, chips, and cookies).
Because of my frustrating fill situation, I think I'm going to have all the fill removed and go from there. The reason I haven't already done that is that I'm afraid of how much weight I might gain without the band. I was gaining weight pretty rapidly before I started the preparations to have my lap band, and I'm kind of afraid to go back there.
But I'm also tired of being afraid to eat, because I don't know what will stay down -- Because it changes for me from day-to-day. What worked last week may not work this week. Or ever again. I hate that the first thing I have to do when I go into a public place is scope out the restroom. And I'm tired of paying good money for food -- whether in a restaurant or at the grocery store -- that just ends up in the toilet.
I know I'd still have some restriction, even with no fill, but hopefully it will be manageable. I've got to fight with my insurance company before I do this, because it's not covered -- and frankly, I don't want to spend a couple hundred dollars to have my fill removed. But if that's what it takes, I'll do it!
But I have to be totally honest, too: I haven't learned any new eating habits (or coping mechanisms), so I still have the ones that got me to this size. That means that while I feel as though my band is part of the problem, I'm not going to even make it sounds as though I don't have any blame. I eat a lot of crap. And I drink some crap, too. Lots of empty calories go into this body.
All of that leads me to why I've resurrected this blog after all these years ...
Tomorrow, in an attempt to gain some kind of control over my health, I'm starting Whole30. It's basically a dietary approach to reducing inflammation and increasing gut health. For 30 days, I eat quality meat, veggies & fruit, and healthy fat. No dairy (except clarified butter and ghee), no grains, no alcohol or tobacco (neither are a problem for me), and no added sugar/sweeteners (that means no stevia, too).
Everything that's wrong with me seems to have a basis in chronic systemic inflammation:
- Diabetes
- High Blood Pressure
- High Cholesterol
- Fibromyalgia
- PCOS
- Asthma
There's even some evidence that inflammation is a contributing factor in bipolar disorder! And, my PCP just referred me to a neurologist to evaluate me for MS (and hopefully rule it out!).
Getting the inflammation under control could be a key to better health for me. And I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired, as the saying goes. I feel like crap more often than not, these days, and I long to feel better. I know a lot of the problem is my weight; I get that. But I also know that just 20 pounds ago, I was regularly doing yoga without props.
And, I think getting a handle on my diet (as opposed to dieting) and my health will support weight loss. As I told my best friend (affectionately referred to on the blog as 'Jane') a few days ago -- I've never improved my health without losing some weight in the process; but I've certainly lost weight without improving my health (Anyone remember the Cambridge diet?).
I know this is long, but please hang in there with me.
The reason I decided to breathe some lift back into this blog is that I wanted to blog anonymously again. Not many people know about my lap band, and so I didn't want to talk about it on a blog under my name -- and I think the lap band will be a factor in my success on Whole30. Why? Well, for one thing, I'm supposed to eat one to three cups of veggies per meal -- and that's in addition to one to two palm-sized servings of protein, maybe a little fruit, and some healthy fats -- three times a day. There is no freaking way I can even eat toward the small side of those portions at one meal.
I figure I'm going to have to do some adjusting and experimenting as I go along. And hopefully, what I experience will help someone else in a similar situation somewhere down the line,
If you read this far, thanks for sticking with me! My goal is to blog at least a couple of paragraphs each day. I haven't decided if I'll post my meals every day, but certainly, I'll talk about my experiences and challenges as I go through the process.
13 April 2011
Checking In -- Again!
It's been a long time since I last posted and Sarah keeps sweetly checking in on me, so I thought I'd leave a quick up date.
The short post is that the band isn't really working for me -- or I'm not able to work the band. I have gained back most of the weight I lost during pre-op and the first few weeks of post-op. The official explanation is that I've lost my sense of fullness and am therefore overeating. It's not helping that my "trick knee" and my bad back are acting up in a major way making exercise difficult.
But you know that I've never been one for short posts -- and of course, the truth is much more complicated than this.
The real problem is that when my surgeon operated on my stomach, he did not operate on my head or my heart. My problem isn't just that I overeat; my problem is the reason I overeat. For me, it isn't simply an issue of eating too much, but it is the reasons that I eat, which the surgery didn't address.
I'm quickly coming to the conclusion that I'm a compulsive eater. I've talked with every health care professional I have about this idea. The reaction at my surgeon's office is mixed; the nutritionist supports the idea of me getting treatment if I think that's what I need, and the Physicians Assistant who does the fills is kind of neutral since it's out of the scope of his practice, My therapist and my primary care physician are both fully supportive of inpatient treatment. My psychiatrist in in favor of outpatient treatment. I don't know which -- if either -- I'll pursue.
My psychiatrist recommended a specific outpatient program. I'm in the process of investigating it. I have a long list of questions to ask them when I call tomorrow.
My main concern is about the role of the 12-steps in any program I consider. I tried OA many, many years ago and it left me cold. I don't believe in powerlessness -- maybe that's part of my issue -- because I believe that we are the eyes and ears of God. How can I, as Source incarnate, be powerless over any earthly substance? Maybe I haven't found my power yet, but I don't think I'm powerless. The outpatient program that my psychiatrist referred me to doesn't mention anything about 12-steps on their webpage, so that's encouraging.
I don't want to be on a food plan the rest of my life, or have to weigh and measure my food. I don't want to "be abstinent" where white sugar, white flour, and caffeine are concerned. I don't even want to "be in control" of my eating and food, as "control" carries with it a sense of struggle; I just want to be natural about it all.
The past few days, I've felt the way I want to feel for the rest of my life, with no treatment. I wish I had the confidence that this feeling will stay with me, but I just don't. So, I'm going to continue to investigate my options for treatment while I see where this feeling takes me.
Wish me luck!
The short post is that the band isn't really working for me -- or I'm not able to work the band. I have gained back most of the weight I lost during pre-op and the first few weeks of post-op. The official explanation is that I've lost my sense of fullness and am therefore overeating. It's not helping that my "trick knee" and my bad back are acting up in a major way making exercise difficult.
But you know that I've never been one for short posts -- and of course, the truth is much more complicated than this.
The real problem is that when my surgeon operated on my stomach, he did not operate on my head or my heart. My problem isn't just that I overeat; my problem is the reason I overeat. For me, it isn't simply an issue of eating too much, but it is the reasons that I eat, which the surgery didn't address.
I'm quickly coming to the conclusion that I'm a compulsive eater. I've talked with every health care professional I have about this idea. The reaction at my surgeon's office is mixed; the nutritionist supports the idea of me getting treatment if I think that's what I need, and the Physicians Assistant who does the fills is kind of neutral since it's out of the scope of his practice, My therapist and my primary care physician are both fully supportive of inpatient treatment. My psychiatrist in in favor of outpatient treatment. I don't know which -- if either -- I'll pursue.
My psychiatrist recommended a specific outpatient program. I'm in the process of investigating it. I have a long list of questions to ask them when I call tomorrow.
My main concern is about the role of the 12-steps in any program I consider. I tried OA many, many years ago and it left me cold. I don't believe in powerlessness -- maybe that's part of my issue -- because I believe that we are the eyes and ears of God. How can I, as Source incarnate, be powerless over any earthly substance? Maybe I haven't found my power yet, but I don't think I'm powerless. The outpatient program that my psychiatrist referred me to doesn't mention anything about 12-steps on their webpage, so that's encouraging.
I don't want to be on a food plan the rest of my life, or have to weigh and measure my food. I don't want to "be abstinent" where white sugar, white flour, and caffeine are concerned. I don't even want to "be in control" of my eating and food, as "control" carries with it a sense of struggle; I just want to be natural about it all.
The past few days, I've felt the way I want to feel for the rest of my life, with no treatment. I wish I had the confidence that this feeling will stay with me, but I just don't. So, I'm going to continue to investigate my options for treatment while I see where this feeling takes me.
Wish me luck!
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