29 December 2010

Just Checking In

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted. Well, yes I can. You see, I've been avoiding you guys like the plague, as they say.

Why?

Because I'm having a really hard time with this whole band/weight loss thing. I saw my doctor's PA the other day and he gave me a slight unfill. I haven't PB'd or thrown up once since then, so I guess that was the right thing to do. It mildly depressed me, though, because I was gaining weight while I was too tight (How? I dunno.), and fully expected that with less restriction, I'd probably gain even more weight. I was right -- one time I wish I hadn't been!

Even more depressing is what Brian (the PA) told me during my exam. He says that about 3-5% of people who get the lapband lose their sense of full, and he thinks I may be one of them. Lucky me, huh? I had really hoped to be one of those "every thing in moderation" kind of people, but it seems that my body has no clue what moderation is! He recommended a visit with the nutritionist on staff and suggested that I consider planning my meals and portions, then stop whether I'm full or not. That sounds more like dieting than I really wanted to do.

Don't get me wrong: I didn't really expect this to be easy. But I'm not sure I realized that it was going to be this hard, either. I've had days where I could see how this is supposed to work, but they are few and far between. Most days are a real struggle. Brian's right -- I never feel full.I have no clue when to stop eating. To be honest, this is a bit embarrassing to admit to all of you. Hell, it's downright humiliating! Am I going to be one of those people that this doesn't work for? And if I am, what does that say about my weight loss destiny?

So, today, totally freaked out by the weight I'm gaining, I started back on my pre-op diet: Two shakes and a sensible meal. It's been easier than I expected, with candy and chips in the house. I'll start exercising again soon, too. Soon? Friday morning. (Tomorrow, I'm out of town all day and so there's probably no time for the gym. Maybe, if it's not raining, I can work in a walk.)

I'm sitting here, with a heavy heart, wondering how to finish this post. Maybe I should just say "good night."

Good night!

8 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are struggling. This is going to work for you. Please don't get discouraged. Think about how far you've come - 40 pounds according to your ticker! We all struggle, but when we do we have this amazing community to fall back on. You were one of my first followers, so I think of you often - just today as a matter of fact. Imagine that - total strangers 1/2 way across the country randomly think of you :). You are going to do this, and a year from now you won't even recognize the person who wrote this post.

    When I was overfilled I lost fast and then BAM it all came back. It was actually really strange. Being overfilled was awful.

    Good night to you, Amaris! - Sarah

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  2. It is hard to not get discouraged because this is hard work... It is not a magic wand like some people believe when they say we took the easy way out... There isn't an easy way, at all. I think being nervous is the best way under your circumstances... although you shouldn't jump to conclusions and realize that you will get the restriction you need. It is different for each one of us, When i don't worry... that's cause for concern since i am a mindless eater at times and I never met a carb i didn't like. I am also not the one who can do the moderation thing... and it sucks! it is a long road but we are on the right road so we will get their eventually, just have some Obstacles along the way... like a traffic jam and perhaps an accident or two. Keep the faith!

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  3. Get a good night's sleep and you will feel refreshed and ready to start doing what you need to do :o) We all wish it was easy, but for most of us it still takes a lot of work. Don't give up!!

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  4. Oh, I'm so sorry you are discouraged right now. Hang in there! There were times when I thought I had made a mistake, that this wouldn't work for me. It is so tricky to get fill levels right, but when you do....it really is amazing. When you are too tight, I think your body holds on to every ounce to insure that it will have the energy to stay alive if things stay the way they are. Then when you get an unfill, it tries to make up for lost time, don't get discouraged, just try to eat good solid protein and you'll be surprised at how satisfied you can be. It takes patience, but we are here for you!

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  5. I'm sorry, hun. I think getting back to basics is a great step in the right direction, though! Good job for taking that initiative.

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  6. I rarely get that sense of full, so have to just measure out my 1 cup. If I don't feel like eating for 4 hours my fill level is good. Sometimes it takes a bit of time for an unfill to get the swelling of your stomach down. I've had two so far. And when I went back for a new fill, I started losing again. You really have to give yourself a couple of years before you will know how successful the band can be. My clinic made the same comment to me. That was 20 pounds ago. Guess they were wrong.

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  7. How are you doing? I was looking at my list of blogs and notice that you haven't written in a while. Hope all is well.

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  8. What definitely helps you look great is your nutrition and eating habits. I have read an article recently, which stated the interview with Dr. Brian Wansink - one of the most renowned nutrition scientists. I have found a lot of interesting facts on how our eating habits are formed, and what we should do to improve them. Here is the article: http://bit.ly/1gQnEs9

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