30 July 2010


I've been so busy, scrambling around to get everything done before surgery and my stay at my in-laws that I forgot today was Friday and time for Draz's BYOC!

1.  What is your favorite genre of movies?  (comedy/romance/horror/action)

I love romantic comedies, but I watch a lot of action movies with Hubby.

2.  What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

My favorite Chinese is currently War Won Ton Soup and Shrimp Friend Rice -- with extra shrimp! I like all kinds of Chinese food, though. I could eat Chinese everyday!

3.  Okay no one kill me for this one - and don't answer if you don't want to BUT I just saw some preview for Dr. Phil on swingers and I wondered - what's your take on swingers.....for it, against it, do it, would never do it, etc.?

I don't really get the idea of being in a committed relationship and having sex with other people. It's not for me, but I don't judge people who can make it work. We have a friend-couple who are both swingers and it seems to work for them -- but they are both bi-sexual, so maybe that's how they make it work. I've never asked for details!

4.  Let's go back to a repeat question.  Pick one thing you'll do one next week that is for your physical/mental health.

Next week, I'll have band surgery! WOOT!

5.  Repeat question.  Which blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?

I have to confess: I haven't spent much time in Blogland this week, since my surgery next week was a surprise, and I've been running around getting ready for it! Hubby is out of town, so I've had to do everything myself. Even so, Leah's post about her "different personalities" really stuck with me, mostly because I could relate to parts of it!

26 July 2010

NEW Surgeon Date!!!

Hey there! This morning, I had a phone call from my surgeon's office. They want to move my surgery up ... to Tuesday, 03 August! That's right --a  week from tomorrow! Holy Crap! My husband is out of town until 08 August, but I told them YES! Now, I have to clean my house, find someone to feed the cats for almost a week, and pay some bills. I also have to work in my pre-op lab work, and my doctor is out of the office until Wednesday. So much to do, so little time!

Why, you may wonder, do I have to find someone to feed the cats for almost a week for an overnight hospital stay? I live in kind of an isolated area, so when I'm dismissed from the hospital, I'll go to my in-laws, which is about 60 miles away. We had already planned all this, for later in the month! The original plan was to stay with them until Friday and then come home, but with my hubby gone, that's all changed. I'll need to stay with them until my husband gets back in town. Even though I may be able to go home before that, technically, no one is going to let me!

Question for all of you: I'm not telling very many people about my surgery. So far, I've told eight, plus appropriate medical personal. I think I know who to ask to help out with the cats, but how do I explain my absence? We've had so much trauma in our family lately (that the neighbor is aware of) that I'm sure she'll immediately ask what's wrong. I could just tell her that I need to be out of town for the that time, but I'm betting she'll ask for details. I feel kind of funny about trusting someone enough to give them a key to my house, but not trusting them enough to tell them about the band. But I just don't want to tell her! I'm already kind of regretting telling some of the people I've told, so I'm not really comfortable telling anyone else at this point ... SIGH!

Any advice is welcome!

23 July 2010

MIA For A Few Days!

I just wanted to let everyone know that all is well. I've been MIA for a few days -- and will be for a few more -- because I've been busy trying to meet a deadline. I'm an artist, and fall is show season. This is the first year I'm participating in the shows, so I'm having to work my buns off to build inventory. Why am I working so hard in July if the shows are this fall? I have to have pictures of my work for the applications for the shows -- one of which is due on Sunday! That means between now and Sunday (and I'm busy tomorrow!), I have to have a piece that I feel is representative of a new area I'm working in. I have several pieces almost finished, but none ready to take pictures of!

I'm heading back to my studio to get more work done. Wish me luck! I'm feeling the pressure a little bit.

BYOC Friday!!!

I'm really enjoying Drazil's BYOC -- I like getting to know my fellow bloggers through her questions.

1. Let’s brag a little….what’s the best perk you’ve ever had in your job (current or past)? Any employment counts - even if you’re a stay at home mom – you have perks.

When I worked at a hotel that had a bar, I had a built-in "stomping ground". I was young and promiscuous, so that was quite a perk!

2. Do you ever lie in your blog?

No. I just don't always tell everything.

3. What do you wear to bed?

Shorts and a t-shirt, or sometimes just a t-shirt

4. Where do you go for advice?

Depends on what I need advice for. Hubby for practical matters; my BFF (Jane) for weight related issues or relationship issues.

5. Repeat question. Make someone a superstar without using a blog award. What comment or blog stuck with you the most this week and why?

I’m really liking the new blog by AtoZ, Words of Weight. I really appreciated it when she said, “I’m not looking for it to be easy. I just want it to be possible.” That kind of sums up how I'm feeling about the band.

20 July 2010


Today was weigh-in day. I cannot believe what the scale said, but I'll take it. According to the same scale I wighted on last week, wearing the same type of clothes, I lost 15.6 pounds! I'm willing to consider that some/most of that might have been "water weight" -- but it's still weight! I weigh at my doctor's office this afternoon, in jeans, so that will give me a better idea of what's what.

Even though I started out great yesterday, I had some challenges. I do very well until it gets dark; then I turn into an eating machine! I'm not eating anything that's not on my diet, but I am eating more of it than is probably recommended. Even so, I'm still getting far fewer calories than when I snacked on junk food, so I guess I'm doing okay.

19 July 2010

Back On Track

I'm on Day Seven of my pre-op diet. Surgery is Tuesday, 24 August, 2010. After two planned transgressions -- and one spontaneous one! -- Hubby and I are back on track! Today has been a really good day for both of us, diet-wise (That's a phrase that just two weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to imagine typing, "a really good day ... diet-wise"!). Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I am totally psyched (Another thing I never thought I'd type!)! I also go see my PCP tomorrow, so I'll have his weight to compare to, too.

Hubby has a business trip that will last a couple of weeks in just a few days. I'm kind of dreading him being gone. For one thing, I genuinely like my husband and enjoy his company, so I'll miss him. But, because he's been doing my pre-op diet with me, he's kind of kept me honest. No cheating in front of him means no cheating! His very presence is moral support for me. Without him at home, I'll sleep and be up at odd hours (just because I can be) and the temptation to eat in the middle of the night may hit me. So look for lots of random blog posts the next couple of weeks! I'll be needing your support and encouragement even more than normal!

16 July 2010


Bring Your Own Craziness!

I've decided to join in Drazil's BYOC posts. I'm really enjoying getting to know everyone a little better, and am eager to share myself with this community.

1. Because I’m going hardcore on Monday to lose my last 15 before vacation I’m curious….what’s the oddest diet you have tried? Or which ones have you tried and were any successful?

Like everyone else, I think I've tried everything (except diet pills)! The most successful were Weight Watchers and following the Geneen Roth books. I lost 40 pounds with WW and 60 with Geneen. And, after 14 or 15 years, I've just now gained back the last of what I lost with Geneen. The problem was, I lost 60 pounds, but needed to loose almost 200! In all fairness, I must disclose: Toward the end of the Geneen experiment, I was diagnosed with diabetes, so some of that loss is, no doubt, attributable to the diabetes.

2. Do you prefer baths or showers?

I prefer baths, but only barely. As someone else pointed out, at a certain size, baths just become impractical. We have a huge tube (with jets!) so that's not the problem. The problem is that I have to climb into the tub and climb back out. Very hard for someone my size with back/knee issues! So, I take showers. But can I confess something? I don't even like that. If I could get away with never taking another bath or shower, I'd probably be just fine! Unfortunatley, I like to be clean ...

3. What is your favorite breakfast food?

GRITS! Followed closely by bacon. Both are not just favorite breakfast foods, but just all-around favorites!

4. What’s your least favorite word?

Probably the c-word. But, I'm not really liking "awesome" much either these days!

5. Repeat question…make someone a Superstar for a day! Whose blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most this week and why?

Don't make me choose just one! I've only been a part of the community for a short time, and I have already experienced such great enthusiasm, encouragement, and acceptance. I'm totally amazed by the quality of people I'm encountering. You guys just rock my socks off!

I Have Issues ...

This may be a long, complicated post; I tend to think best when I'm writing, and I need to think now. On the other hand, there may not be much to think about once I get into it, so it may end up being pretty short.

I'm hungry. That's issue #1. I started my pre-op diet on Tuesday, and I've done pretty well. In fact, I've been satisfied. Even my "pre-planned transgression" wasn't horrible. I went to Panera on Thursday and had a big salad and a diet drink. I'm sure with the dressing, it wasn't such a diet food, but I didn't have any bread or pastry (Will miracles never cease!). When I got home that evening, I got right back on task. I'm pretty proud of myself! I'm getting all my water in -- and then some! -- so dehydration isn't the issue.

Today, however, I've wanted to eat everything in sight! I'm travelling, and I brought exactly enough protein powder, so having an extra shake isn't really an option. So far, I haven't given in to temptation; I've eaten extra string cheese, which is an approved snack.

As I drove through Jack-in-the-Box for a diet soda (not giving those up until the last minute!), I started salivating for things I don't typically even eat from there! It wasn't really the sweets that were calling me. The egg rolls (a staple in my diet) did know my name, but so did the grilled breakfast sandwich, which I've never even been tempted to order.

Tomorrow is my second planned transgression. I'm going to San Diego to see friends who don't know about the upcoming WLS. I planned this trip before I started the pre-op diet. I decided to just let the day unfold as it will, trying to make as many healthy choices as I can. When I get home tomorrow night, I'll get right back on the program and have approved food for dinner. I was thinking I'd try to have salad again, but now I want a sweet, deep-fried fat blob for lunch tomorrow!

So, what's the deal? I'm both head-hungry and physically hungry. It doesn't help that my MIL keeps (helpfully) asking if I'm getting enough to eat! And, during my nutrition class today, I found out that my surgeon is "notorious" for opening people up, seeing their liver is too fatty, and sewing them shut! That scares the hell out of me. Put the fear of God in me! And makes me hungry! Food is how I've always dealt with my emotions -- covered them up, don't cha know? Now, I'm faced with something pretty scary for me, and no tools to really cope. I have a therapist, but I saw him yesterday, and won't see him for another two weeks. I have to deal with this on my own. I guess I'll just white-knuckle it for a few days and hope for the best.

Issue #2? I'm caught between my desire to tell everyone I see/meet about the surgery (I'm a bit excited about having a date!) and my desire to keep this private. In fact, I have only told seven people, plus appropriate health care professionals. I told one friend Thursday at lunch. She is also fairly heavy. She's being supportive. That was a big risk! Just because someone is over their ideal weight, doesn't mean they'll support surgical intervention. So far, everyone has been supportive. Even my never-weighed-an-ounce-over-her-ideal-weight older sister. Even my naturally thin FIL who watches what he eats and walks everyday.

With all that support, why not tell more people? Because I don't want to be scrutinized while I'm adjusting to the band. I don't want people to ask me how much weight I've lost (I think that's an incredibly rude question), what my goal weight is, how much weight I hope to lose. I just don't want to talk about it, especially not while I'm trying to gain my footing. Not right after surgery -- while the focus is on healing, not weight loss.

I know that someday, I'll have that attention and be faced with those questions. But, at my size, I have to lose about 40 pounds before people really start noticing and commenting. That should give me time to adjust a bit, gain some confidence, before I have to deal with my public! I'm hoping so, anyway!

#3? My oh-so-supportive sister was blog hopping the other day and ran across a blog of someone who had had the lap-band and reached goal weight. Sister couldn't remember the name of the blog, but she thought it was written by someone named Jen (Jenn?). She was struck by a post in which Jen(n) talked about how she had always imagined that her life would be different (better?) if she just lost weight. Now, she's lost weight and she's stuck with the same ol' life, with the same ol' problems. She's discovering that her weight isn't the problem -- she is (I'm really paraphrasing, here).

So, that's got me to thinking! Will that happen to me? I suspect to some extent it will, as I'll still be the main inhabitant of my own life. But I'm also hoping to see some change, some growth with this experience. I'm hoping that I'll gain some confidence, that I'll lose some self-consciousness. I'm hoping that the experience of finally DOING SOMETHING about a problem I have bitched about for years will be ... is transformative too much to ask for? I'm hoping to see that I completed this one thing (I don't have great follow through), so I can complete other things, too.

I guess I'm borrowing trouble, as my FIL would say. I'm worrying about things before they become an issue, which in and of itself is kind of weird for me, because I'm not much of a worrier in general.

So, I'm off to drink my dinner! It really felt good to just focus on these issues (there are probably others to write about another day) for a few minutes. I didn't really solve anything, but I expressed myself. That's a good first step for me.

Thanks for listening!

Surgery Date!!!

I just got home from my nutrition class and running some errands. As expected, they called us into the office one at a time to get our surgery dates ... My date is Tuesday, 24 August, 2010! I am so freaking excited! Pre-op at the doctor's office is Thursday, 19 August, at 8:30 AM. UGH! The pre-op appointment at the hospital has not been schedule yet.

After I got my surgery date, I went to the bank and got a cashier's check for the amount of my down payment, and ran it back to the office, so that's taken care of. I wanted to pay it while we had it, in case something came up and we felt like we needed the money for something else. Now, that's not even an option!

Good, good news! They weighed me at the doctor's office. My official pre-op weight is 323.5. Why is that good news? Well, when I weighed Tuesday on my scale, I was 333.8. I realize that different scales will weigh differently, so I'm not counting all of that as a loss. But some of it has to be, right? Especially since when I weighed at home, I weighed in knit shorts and t-shirt and today I had on my heaviest jeans! Now, I am so eager for Tuesday to get here, so I can weigh again on my own scales! I'm already noticing that my pants are a bit more comfortable! YAY FOR ME!

Did I mention I was excited???!!!

15 July 2010

Long Week-End

I'm getting ready to leave town for a few days. I'm just going to my in-laws house tonight, to my nutrition class tomorrow, and then San Diego on Saturday. I should be home Sunday. Hubby is not going with me, so I've got some me time. Looking forward to it. I've got my protein powder apportioned into sandwich bags for the shake meals I'll need to have while I'm gone, and I've got some deli meat and cheese to have for my other meals/snacks.

I need to confess: I have two planned "cheats" on my pre-op diet coming up. Today I have lunch with a friend who doesn't know about my upcoming weight loss surgery. I'll just try to eat sensibly. Saturday, I am spending the day with an internet friend, who, again, doesn't know about the surgery. I'm just going to enjoy the day. I'll try not to eat when I'm not hungry. I'll try to stop when I'm full. I'll try to make sensible choices. But I'm going to let the day unfold as it will, and then Saturday night I'll get back on track. I made both of these dates before I decided to start my pre-op diet.

Wish me luck!

Because I'm traveling these next few days, if I don't get around to answering comments or visiting blogs, please understand. I don't know how much free time I'll really have, but I'll get back in the groove come Monday!

Have a great week-end everyone!

14 July 2010


Just wanted to let everyone know that I talked to my insurance company and my surgeon's office this afternoon. I'm approved! I have to attend a nutritional seminar on Friday at 8AM, and, if I understood correctly, I'll get my surgery date at the end of the seminar. YAY for me!

I live an hour and (roughly) 15 minutes away from my surgeon's office, so I'm going to go down the night before and stay the night with my in-laws. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep Thursday night!

Today was Day Two of the pre-op diet, and it's going okay. Heather gave me the best tip: Use an immersion blender! It works sooo much better than the regular blender works. The regular blender makes too much foam for me or Hubby. I'm having no blood sugar problems today, but I didn't take one of my meds after dinner last night, and I didn't take my insulin last night. My blood sugar was 106 at bedtime, so I wasn't comfortable taking it.

I talked to my primary care physician this afternoon, too. He told me to stop taking my Glucovance (5-500 mg) altogether. I'm to decrease my insulin from 24 units of Lantus to 18 units at night. If I'm still encountering problems, I'm to decrease the units by another three units until I'm not having a problem any more. I see him next Tuesday, so I'll talk to him again about the Glucovance, since the Metformin portion of the pill also treats my PCOS.

Woo hoo! So, I may be joining you sooner than I expected! YAY for me (I had to say it again).

13 July 2010


I logged in to write a new post and saw that I have 17 followers! WOW! Thanks so much! It may take me a few days, but I promise I'll visit each and every one of you. I find your stories  and progress reports so inspiring, encouraging, and educational.

Today, I started my pre-op diet. Why, you may ask, did I do that since I don't have a surgery date yet? A couple of reasons ... For one thing, I was getting tired of dealing with food. I was tired of thinking about it. I was actually beginning to get tired of eating, even though I was still doing plenty of it. Plus, my husband needed to do something to lose a few pounds; he's doing the diet with me, and he was ready to start.

Another reason -- and really the main reason -- has to do with getting a surgery date. I have to be on the pre-op diet for four to six weeks because of my BMI (53). When it comes time to schedule the surgery, I don't want to be a situation where they have an opening in, say for example, three weeks. But, because of the long time I have to be on the pre-op diet, they can't give me that date. This way, if that were to happen, I could always point out that I've already been on the diet for two weeks, so they can schedule me for that date. Does that make any sense?

Since many people are curious about pre-op diets, so I'll share mine: Two protein shakes (100% Whey Isolate, Isolate brand) a day and a small meal of three to four ounces of meat with a vegetable like broccoli or green beans. If I want to, I can combine 1/2 banana into each shake. If I need to snack (which is discouraged), I can have deli meats, low-fat cheese, or a boiled egg.

So, how was Day One? The drinks are surprisingly tolerable. I mixed them in the blender, as recommended in the directions. They also say you can stir the powder in if you don't have access to a blender or shaker. We noticed that after a few minutes, the shake starts to separate and the liquid tastes much better than the froth! Tomorrow, I think I will try stirring mine to mix it and see how I like that. I'll just eat my banana half as I drink the shake.

One thing I hadn't counted on dealing with on Day One -- I'm diabetic. I control it with meds and insulin. Well, because of the drastic carb reduction, I've had three lows today! That means there must not be much glycogen stored in my liver, which is a good thing. I'll call my PCP tomorrow and see how I should deal with this. I really thought this wouldn't be an issue for about a week. Guess I was wrong!

Again, thanks for the follows! I'll see  you on your blogs soon!

12 July 2010

Where I've Been & Where I'm At ... Update

In my last post, I said that I would catch you up to date on where I've been -- why I stopped blogging, why I came back, and where I'm at in the process. Here goes!

Actually, I'm not sure why I stopped blogging in December, 2009; that was so long ago! I probably got sick, didn't feel like tending to my blog, and then lost momentum. In March, my husband lost his primary job. Thank God our insurance comes from his second job, so that wasn't a worry. The problem was, with no steady income, we couldn't afford for me to have the surgery.

I'm a little confused about this, but because my doctor is out-of-network with my insurance, his office requires a $4,000 cash deposit, and with Hubby not working, we just couldn't afford that. I'm going to have to have Dr. Krahn's office explain to me again what that $4,000 is for. It is not a program fee, I know that. I'm just not sure what it's for, since I expect my insurance to pay close to 100%.

I'm back -- does that mean Hubby is back to work? Well, no. My mother got sick in April, and made her transition into the non-physical in June. The estate is still being settled, but my sister (who is the administratrix of Mom's estate) wants to give me the money. She thinks Mother would want that. Personally, I don't think she would, but because she gave me such a hard time about my weight for so many years, I think it's fitting that she pay for it -- even indirectly! It is, however, sad for me to think that she'll never see me at my natural weight, when my weight was such a big deal to her. I know she can see me on some level; that will just have to suffice.

As soon as Lola told me that she wanted to give me the money for my surgery, I emailed Dr. Krahn's office and asked where I was at, hoop wise. All I had to do was have a nutritional consult and watch an online, interactive, program (EMMI) about lap-band surgery, and get a clearance from my Primary Care Physician. Within eight days (Tuesday, 06 July), I had all that done. A nurse needed to review and sign off on my chart, and the office would submit to insurance. I'll call tomorrow and check on that -- find out if/when my packet was submitted. I have online access to requests for authorization for my insurance company; you can bet I'll be watching that pretty closely!

11 July 2010

Last Meals ...

After dinner, I'll post a bit about where I've been and where I'm at on my journey. But first, let's talk a little bit about "last meals".  Tuesday, I start on my pre-op diet, so tonight my husband and I are going out for a steak dinner, with all the trimmings. Tomorrow night, we eat with his parents. To be honest, I'm a little saddened by the fact that food plays such an important part in my life. Of course, I guess if it didn't, I wouldn't be here, planning a surgical intervention to help me manage my weight.

Yesterday, we went out for sushi. So yummy! All week, I looked forward to these two meals more than I've looked forward to anything in a while. How sad is that? How sad is it that my "last meals" would be so exciting to me? I've been eating foods that I won't be able to have for a very long time -- if ever again -- pretty heavily this past week. Some of it, I have eaten mindlessly and some of it I have really savored and enjoyed. The food that I really enjoyed was food well eaten, considering the circumstance, but the food that I ate mindlessly was food wasted. But the difference between putting it down the garbage disposal and eating mindlessly is the impact on my health, looks and self-confidence. Way to go!

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself, but I'm feeling a bit ... I dunno how to explain it. Frustrated that my life has come to this, surely. But, I'm also excited about starting the pre-op diet on Tuesday. I sometimes get annoyed at how important food is for me, and this will almost take food out of the equation. Looking forward to that!

I'm Back!

I've decided to re-start blogging my Lap-Band adventure. I can't remember the login and password for my previous blog, so I'm starting a new one. You can read the first few posts from my previous attempt, but I'll carry on here.