02 August 2010
It's Gonna Happen!!!
I just got off the phone with my surgeon's office. Check-in time is at 6:30! AM! That is exactly what I was hoping for -- that I wouldn't have to wait all day for an afternoon surgery time. That would just make me more nervous and the time would go by very slowly, I'm sure.
I have trouble sleeping before big events, trips, etc., so I'm not sure how much sleep I'll be able to get tonight. I've got a ton of papers to review and my laptop to keep me company until the appointed time, however -- and plenty of blogs to read!
I'm getting ... not really nervous ... aware, I think is the best word. Some of you who have recently been banded have had a more difficult time than I've generally heard of others having, so I'm even more aware that this is major surgery, even if it is less invasive than gastric bypass. I've never been put under before and I'm aware of the dangers. I'm not really a worrier, so I'm not dwelling on them, but they do pop into my mind every so often.
I'm also aware of something else ... I think I've mentioned before that I generally don't have the greatest follow-through. I start projects that I never finish; I make plans that never come to fruition. I'm kind of in awe of myself that I'm actually doing this! That I didn't take a few steps toward it and then lose interest. Even my mother dying hasn't stopped me, and in the past, something like that would have totally thrown me off my path. I've made a commitment to myself to see this through, all the way to the end. I may struggle and lose interest for a few days, but I'm hoping that my band will help to keep me honest and on track. I fully intend to stick with this, in a way that I haven't in a long time. I feel good, for actually doing this.
I think this is the step I've been needing to take for a long time. I know that it isn't going to be easy. And I know that I'm going to have to work and be committed to my health and my band. I know that being thinner will make my life easier in some ways, but I'll still be me; my demons aren't going to go away just because I have a band. But I'm hoping that the band and I can work together to affect more positive change in my life.