When The Time Comes

I can’t remember what blog I found this on – but I thought it was a great idea! I want to post my WTTC list, too (whoever you were, I fully admit I used some of your ideas!).

• ·         WTTC, I will be happy at my doctor’s office when he talks about my perfect test results.
• ·         WTTC, I will happily release my blood pressure, cholesterol, and diabetic medication.
• ·         WTTC, I will walk into Lane Bryant – and nothing will fit!
• ·         WTTC, I will run/walk a 5K – and not come in last!
• ·         WTTC, I will entertain more and not be exhausted at the end of the day.
• ·         WTTC, I will eat what I want because I choose to eat it, and not because of some compulsion to stuff crap in my mouth.
• ·         WTTC, I will strut my stuff in front of all the people who thought I was forever-fat.
• ·         WTTC, I will enjoy sex again with my Darling Husband!
• ·         WTTC, I will try rock climbing and ice skating.
• ·         WTTC, I will be more public about having a lap-band.

So, what will you do when the time comes?

It WAS Awful!

To those of you who speculated that it would be awful to have Thanksgiving dinner, and not be able to eat: You were absolutely right! After three days of cooking -- hours spent in the kitchen -- I didn't enjoy one single bite. Oh, I had a few nibbles as I was preparing dinner, and for a few minutes, I enjoyed the appetizers (a cheese ball, crackers and mixed nuts), but as soon as I sat down to dinner, I was DOOMED! On a conservative estimate, I bet I was up six or seven times during the meal. Not because I kept eating (although I admit that I did at first), but because that damned food just wasn't staying down.

I learned several valuable lessons, though. I don't generally drink with meals, but I learned that (for me anyway) it's paramount that I don't. Not even thinking, I poured myself a glass of water with the meal. Big mistake! And the cup of coffee I thought I'd enjoy with dessert (My first since being banded, actually). "Enjoy" isn't the word I'd use. I finally just poured it down the sink while I was doing dishes.Actually, I think I should stop drinking at least 15 minutes before my meal. I'll have to try that and see if that helps. I really suspect it will.

I'm going to give myself through the week-end to see how things are going (today's lunch mostly stayed down). Monday, if it's not going so well, I'm going to call for an appointment for a slight unfill. If I'm still having problems on Monday, I'm also going to ask for an evaluation for a slipped band. I've been throwing up enough for that to be a concern, especially after yesterday. Yesterday was awful ...

Hope all of you had a wonderful holiday, if you celebrate. For those of you who don't -- I hope you had a wonderful day!

So Much To Be Thankful For ...

Taking a cue from Simple, Sassy Sarah, I decided to do an appreciation list. Thanks, Sarah, for the idea and motivation.

This year I am so appreciative of:

• Health -- Mine, my husband's, my in-laws, the rest of my family and my friends.
• Emerging into my life as an artist.
• The generosity of my family.
• My delightful, creative, funny, loving husband. Need I say more?
• Our beautiful, spacious home. I feel so comfortable here.
• Great landlords. They make renting easy-peasy.
• My wonderful, supportive friends. You keep me going.
• All of my family, but especially my sister. We've gotten closer since our parents each made their transitions, and I'm particularly thankful for that. She also helped make the band a reality for me (as did my in-laws).
• Our adorable, loving, joy-bringing cats. Through the years, the cats have helped our marriage become a family, since we have no children.
• All of you all! I really appreciate the encouragement, support and camaraderie of this community.
• I have an absolutely amazing surgeon, and he has a great staff. I'm really thankful for them, especially when I read some of your stories!
• Last, but not least, my band (I've decided to name her Lola). I haven't had the success I had hoped for -- and fills seriously kick my ass -- but I can truly see how this is going to revolutionize my life. With just two fills, I already have glimpses of my Sweet Spot. I am losing weight pretty effortlessly, and I love that.  

So, what are you thankful for today?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I have a  break from the holiday preparations, and I thought I'd spend it with you! To all my American friends, I hope you have a wonderful holiday. To all my non-American friends, I hope you have a great day tomorrow, too. Take a few minutes, wherever you are, to be appreciative of all the blessings in your life.

I, for one, am very appreciative of all of you. It's great to have a place where I can talk about the band -- in all its grossness, sometimes -- and hear about the adventures of others. It helps keep me on course, motivated and enthusiastic. So, thank you!

I'm going to take a few minutes to read a couple of blogs, then I'm back to work!

A Course in Weight Loss: Initial Reactions

To be blunt -- I'm not sure I'm going to like it! I got the book today and I've read the first 28 (out of 249) pages and have done the exercise/journaling for Chapter One. Enough to have a first impression, but not enough to make a firm judgment. 

The main thing that I don't like about it is it's religious tone. Yes, I know its subtitle is 21 Spiritual Lessons For Surrendering Your Weight Forever and I don't mind the spiritual nature of the book at all. In fact, that's part of what attracted me to it. What I don't like -- and I don't blame the book or the author for this -- is that it's written from a religious perspective that I don't share. It talks about surrendering your power (I should have clued in from the subtitle, huh?) and praying to a God that seems to be outside of us. Not to step on anyone's toes, but I just don't roll that way. I'm a law of attraction kind of girl and this book is definitely not LOA compatible! As I read, I'm having to do a lot of "translating" from Williamson's belief system to my own, and some things just don't translate well. So far, I haven't actually rolled my eyes at anything, but there's still a lot of book to go!

I'm going to continue reading and working the exercises for a few more days and then I'll re-evaluate how well it's working for me. I'm a a little disappointed because I was hoping this would provide some measure of relief for me.

Catching Up

Good morning!

I've been up for a few hours because my back is just killing me already. I've had a Vicodin, but it doesn't seem to be helping very much. So, I thought I'd try some distraction therapy. I've been going through my Blogger "Dashboard" catching up a bit. It was so good to read your blogs and hear what you all have been up to. I don't spend enough time doing that most days. I don't work outside the home and I don't have kids; I don't know how some of you have a life and blog regularly, too! I can't seem to find the time these days to blog/read as much as I'd like to. I know, it's really just a matter of priorities. I'll have to work on mine ...

I'm gearing up for Thanksgiving. It's really a small deal here at our house. My in-laws come and that's it. I'd love to have a house full, but to be honest, I think my in-laws would be a little ... overwhelmed ... if we did that. They are used to small, quiet, family holidays, with just enough food. I'm grew up with big, loud holidays teeming with food. Anyone who didn't have some place else to go came to our house for Thanksgiving dinner. Mom and I would cook for days to prepare. It really was a wonderful way to share our bounty -- even when we didn't have much, we had enough to share.

I have most of the grocery shopping done; we just need to go Tuesday and pick up the perishables. I'll start cooking this evening. I'll make the cornbread and biscuits for the dressing and bake the cake for dessert. The cake freezes for at least 24 hours and then needs to thaw, so I think my timing is right. The turkey is in the fridge thawing. I think things are on track. Hubby will help me with the housework; he's a doll that way.

I am, of course, really missing my mom right now. I'd love to talk with her about my menu and timing everything so that the food is all ready on time. I'd love to chat with her about anything, to be honest. I miss hearing about the reality TV she used to watch and what's happening in the small town I grew up in. As I said, I just miss her. I take some comfort in knowing that she was ready to go when she made her transition, but it's still painful.

Hug your loved ones and call your mom, if she's still alive. Tell her "Happy Thanksgiving" from me!

Extra Help?

I've been thinking about my life with the band, and I've come to the conclusion that I need a little bit of extra help. Some times -- many times -- I'll take that "one more bite" when I know it's going to get stuck and send me to the ladies' room. Some times, I deliberately eat foods that aren't good for me. Or, I eat when I'm not hungry. Or, I drink too close to meal time. So, obviously, the problem goes deeper than just eating too much.

There's a line in one of Geneen Roth's books that says, "You can't get enough of what you didn't want in the first place." I got goosebumps when I read that for the first time, several years ago. Food isn't really what I want, therefore I can't get enough of it. Brilliant, truly.

But what do I want, that I'm letting food take the place of? I'm not completely sure. Self-love and self-acceptance, to begin with. A connection to Source Energy that is stronger and more vibrant than what I feel now. More sensuous pleasures in my life ...

A few days ago, I ran across Marianne Williamson's new book, A Course in Weight Loss, over at Amazon. Years ago, when I was involved with A Course in Miracles, I read a few of her books and liked what she had to say. I've moved on from ACIM, so I wasn't sure that I'd still be interested in what she thinks. I took advantage of the "Look Inside" feature at Amazon and skimmed the first couple of pages. Nothing stuck out as offensive to me. In fact, I really liked bits and pieces of it. So, I ordered it Friday night. I even paid extra to have it here tomorrow. I'm eager to work through it and see if it can offer me some help.

Has anyone read it or heard anything about it? I noticed that it was featured in Oprah Magazine this month; I didn't buy it because I already have the book coming. I'll let you know what I think about it after I've read it.

The Weirdest Thing!

Today has been a strange day, food wise. I've been PB'ing all day -- really slimy stuff. What's weird is that I haven't eaten much today. I finally figured out what was getting stuck: My iced tea! I had a couple of crackers for breakfast to tide me over until I got around to making a shake. They stayed down just fine. I confess; I never did get around to blending that shake. I poured a big glass of iced tea instead. Almost as soon as I starting drinking it, I got stuck. At first I thought it was my morning meds, but they never came back up. I stayed stuck almost all day. When I finally suspected it was my drink, I set it aside and about half an hour later had one of Hubby's potato chips. It stayed down. So did the few Fritos I had after that. It's about time to start cooking dinner, and I haven't had a problem in over an hour, so I'm hopeful.

Unfortunately, I have really dry mouth most of the time, so not drinking all afternoon has been an uncomfortable challenge. But then, so is getting stuck!

 I've poured another iced tea and am sipping it very slowly. So far, so good! Anyone else have something like this happen to them?

It's Gonna Work!

I can finally, three months after being banded, see that this is going to work for me! YAY!

Today, I had half a protein shake for breakfast at about 11AM (a little late for breakfast, I know, but I slept in this morning), and I'm just now (4:45PM) hungry again! I'm having a Yoplait Light Yogurt and I'm feeling very satisfied. In fact, I'm not sure I can comfortably eat the whole cup! No PB'ing, no stuck feeling. Dinner is in a couple of hours -- it will be interesting to see how much I can comfortably eat.

I didn't realize that I was starting to get frustrated until just now. I wasn't sure that the band was going to work for me -- or rather, that I wasn't going to be able to work the band. Oh, I know I'm not out of the woods yet and that band life is not necessarily going to be smooth sailing from here on out, but I see a glimpse of what it might be. And I like it!

Blog Hopping!

I think I'm mentioned before that I have bipolar disorder. Silly me, I let myself run out of the medication that keeps my sleep patterns regulated, so I'm up in the middle of the night -- with a big day ahead of me Sunday! I've had the most delightful time, though, catching up on many of your blogs. How nice to touch base with you. For those that I haven't gotten around to, I hope all is well. I'm looking forward to checking in with you.

Assorted Ramblings ...

***NOTE: I wrote this post yesterday (Friday) while I was having internet 
issues, so I was unable to upload it. Rather than re-write it to acknowledge the correct time/day, I'm just giving you a heads-up!***

So, today I had my second fill, and all seems to be going well. Another 1.5 CCs in my band. I was thrilled -- when they weighed me at the doctor's office, I had lost eight pounds since my last visit (about six weeks ago)! Considering that I spent part of my drive to the office making up excuses in my head for why I'd gained weight, that was a bit of a miracle! I'm pleased, but I'm also a little saddened by knowing how good of a loss it could have been, if only I'd been more diligent about my diet and exercise. Oh well, it is what it is; all I can do is try harder in the future.

And try harder, I will! I'm totally psyched about the upcoming weight loss challenge. I am committed to exercising regularly and eating right during the holidays. We are hosting Thanksgiving again this year, and I really don't know what to do about it. But whatever I decide, I'll eat reasonably and continue walk/jogging on a regular basis.

Oh! Did I mention that I am now below 300 pounds? I never thought I'd be excited by 298, but indeed, I am! I've lost a total of about 35 pounds since my pre-op diet and so happy because I know that this time it will stick. Sure, I may gain a pound or two here or there, but I'll never again weigh what I did when I started this process. I'm determined to make this work.

When I say I don't know what to do about the holiday, what I mean is -- I don't know how far to go with the food. I grew up in a home with amazing food at the holidays, Thanksgiving especially. We cooked for days leading up to it. Some of the fondest memories I have of my mother are holiday cooking together. I've only done Thanksgiving for two years (this will be the third), but I've tried to replicate that abundance in my own way. There are only four of us at my celebrations -- compared to sometimes 30 people at my mother's! -- so I don't prepare nearly as much food as she did, but there still has always been plenty to eat all day long. And leftovers? Oh, my, yes! Cooking for the holiday is something I truly enjoy.

But that was then -- and this is now! This will be my first Thanksgiving without my mother (even though I haven't sat at her table in years); I can't imagine not going all out, in the finest Mom-Tradition. It's a way to stay connected to her and my heritage. I don't want food to be the center of my world any longer. But I'm not sure I'm ready to give up this tie I have to my past, either. Sure, I know it's all in my head, but I also know that I am most comforted when I'm cooking. Not eating necessarily, but cooking. I miss my mom so much -- in this moment, the pain is almost unbearable -- and I want to hold fast to whatever connection I have to her.

Actually, cooking is bittersweet. Mom was an excellent cook, and she taught me well. I'm not as good as she was, but I'm not embarrassed by my skills, either. After my father made his transition, my mother and I cooked our holiday meals together, via the phone and the internet. We planned our menus, trading suggestions and recipes back-and-forth. When I had a question -- even the simplest of questions -- I'd pick up the phone and call her to ask (Ahh, the joys of unlimited long distance!). My first Thanksgiving, I must have called her half a dozen times! She was so proud of me for turning out such a lovely and delicious spread.

Now when I cook, I have no one to ask questions of, so I head off to the internet. Not nearly as emotionally fulfilling as calling my mom! Now, there's no one to help me plan my day, encourage me in my housecleaning, double check my to-do list. Can you see why I'm not ready to give up my time in the kitchen -- and the connection to my mother. However silly it may seem to some people, it's very real and comforting to me.

What do you all do with the leftovers that come after such a meal? My husband doesn't eat leftovers very well, so it's all up to me. I guess I can eat what I truly enjoy and then just throw the rest of it out. What a novel concept! I think I just found my answer ...

Thanks for listening. I often times work out my own answers if I just write about the situation long enough.